How to enjoy the Presidential Debates

By this time, the presidential candidates shall have aired their campaign promises, developed their slogans, delivered their best one-liners, and perfected stock replies to standard questions.

Most voters would have gotten used to the candidates’ rhetoric that they would not mind missing the next debate. Watching one on TV with the audio off, most Pinoys could almost tell what the Palace pretenders are saying. Why waste 60 minutes on a forum where the conversation is predictable?

Still it’s possible to enjoy the next debate if we listen carefully and hang on to every word.

How?

If you’re with family at home or friends in a bar, you could make a bet against each other that the candidate would soon drop his favorite phrase or that his next line would include a predictable word. You collect as the candidate drones on.

Or you could play the American State of the Union Drinking Game. Bar guests take a swig each time a US president drops a line or a phrase that has become a cliché. Instead of gagging over the overused line, the viewers usually, bar customers, down a drink or order one from the bartender.

You could make a bet or gulp a drink each time Noynoy Aquino mentions “My sister Kris,” “My beloved parents” or “My girlfriend Shalani Soledad.”

Make a bet that Manny Villar will say “Mahirap ako noon,” or “I’m spending my own money.” Take a swig of beer when he declares he owes everything to “sipag at tiyaga.”

Drink straight from a bottle of wine when Erap Estrada declares, “I am running to redeem my honor” or challenge a friend to a bet that Erap will boast, “I am a defender of press freedom.”

You can bet Gibo Teodoro will say “my loyalty to GMA ends where my loyalty to mother-in-law begins,” or “it’s qualification, not popularity, that counts” and “Huwag akong iparis sa Big 3 dahil walang dungis ang pangalan ko.”

If Dick Gordon sheds a tear over his accomplishments in Subic Bay, order Gordon’s Dry Gin from the bartender Bro. Eddie Villanueva’s lines—“Moral leadership” and “I will live by example”—are worth a prayer and a bet.

If Jamby Madrigal says, “I am a vegetarian but I will eat Manny Villar alive,” that calls for a round of drinks.

If you prefer to hand out grades, give an A+ or 95 percent to a candidate who could explain an issue without lapsing to Taglish. Give a failing grade to a speaker who could not pronounce the name of Iranian President Mahmood Ahmadinejad.

If you lose big money or get a hangover, blame the debate sponsors. (Manila Times)